Ulcerative Colitis (UC)

Song about UC
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0uIa28VH_g

Living with the New Normal
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rr8wIiypS_g

Funnies
http://thegutsygeneration.tumblr.com/

Yes & No

Deathtestines	Undigestible	Allergic	Agreeable
Ice Cream	Celery	Avocado	Yogurt
Coffee	Leafy Veggies (lettuce)	Fruit peels	Small portions of cheese
Eggs	Corn		Goat cheese
Spicy foods	Seeds (berry/poppy)		(Sweet) Potatoes/Yams
Milk			Mangoes
Most raw veggies			Bananas
Acidic fruits (tomatoes)			Stewed veggies
Large amts of cheese			Grapefruit peeled
			Tea (all kinds esp. green/rooibos

Dear Ulcerative Colitis

Did you realize that since you've entered my life, I have experienced insane migraines which have reduced me to vomiting?

How about the fact that my immune system is now quite vulnerable?

Did you also know that the medication I have to take in order to avoid one of your villainous assaults on my bowels further degrades my immune system?

I don't know why you hate my guts so much, but I tell you, one day you won't be around to bug me as much.

Ashley

Dear Arch Nemesis

So today was not so bad.

Can it be that all I really need to do is eat practically nothing to satisfy your pickiness?

I ate an apple pie-esque granola bar for pre-breakfast.
Then a Veggie Pizza for late brunch.
When I arrived back in the land of Sookites I then had me some pastrami w/ cracker and cream cheese.
And Truffles nom nom nom.

To my surprise I have not heard any death threats from you... however you're always one for the more dramatic entrances into silent situations.

Tomorrow is a new day and I am prepared for any retaliations from your side.

If you must please refrain from using your whale sounds and elevator sounds keep it at a soundless squeak, please and thank you.

Your Darling,

Ash-Pie

Letter to an Enemy

Oh Disease which haunts my Body, why do You torture Me so?
The year is not yet over and I have many miles to go.
Will You stick around much longer? Or lay in wait to steal my Soul?
Will You welcome other Friends of yours and torture Me further?
Tell me now, I'd like to know.

Oh Disease which infests my Body, You are embedded w/in my Jeans.
No that was not a type-o, but it takes on two meanings.
The first is literally w/in my Jeans, the second refers to Genes, not jeans.

And oh, I guess I ought not to hate You, but rather care for You instead.
For if I do not take care of You, what horrible things You'll inflict, oh the Dread.

I hate You, I hate You, I hate, hate, hate, hate You.
You twist Me literally into knots and throw Me for unending whirls.
You tighten my Innards then let them go, like wtf, Mate?
So when do I know?

You are unrelenting to leave Me alone
You build upwards and so forth and my Body is your Home
Screw You and your Brothers, your Sisters and Cousins
You are as cruel as the Grinch
10x worse, is what I think,
And You cause many Surprises of which most make a Stink

The only Solution to a Happily Ever After
Is if You and your Home are obliterated by Disaster
But disaster in terms of Your Point of View
Yes, yes, I know, My View is quite askew

In My Defence You've Invaded my Life
You've torn it to one side, I oppose, hence the strife
You've taken the Personal and made it all Public
Sociology for you... still, You make me Sick!

You had no right when things were going well
Yet You came along anyways and made my Life Hell
Three days of no Sleep, Paranoia and Uncertainty
Sleeping closer to the Portal of Waste, You heightened my Disentery

And as long as it took Me to call out Your doings
The Blindness of Waiting for Three Months pending
Is what You cost Me
As well as the Life Sentence with ye

You, Ulcerative Colitis, are one mean body wrenching, intestine inflamming gosh darned son of a woolly mammoth's third cousin removed by death, then resurrected via tangible hatred

And thus... You, My Disease, will always be my Enemy within Myself.